I met a guy at a party last summer and friended him on Facebook. He’s pretty hot and is totally into math*, but he’s kind of a douchebag. I will admit that I like looking at his photos on FB, but every goddamned status update is “Derby this” or “Derby that” and unless we’re dealing with fucking cute animals or stories about dead things, I can’t stand anyone who is a one trick pony. Get other hobbies. Also, I’m jealous because I can’t be a roller derby girl** and don’t really want to hear about how awesome it is. So basically I’m writing this because I’m a catty jerkface today and again, like dudes who are douche-y and don’t know I’m alive.

*I am terrible at math. As in, will incorrectly subtract numbers almost 98% of the time. However, I am wildly attracted to anyone who can do math, especially if they possess a penis. I even slept with a guy twice because his body was covered in weird mathematical tattoos. Didn’t know what half the shit meant, but MATH!

**I’m still traumatized over having a miscarriage on the day I was supposed to try out for roller derby FIVE YEARS AGO. You’d think I would get over it, but I’m nostalgic for all the bad stuff. It’s how I roll. Plus I’m afraid of breaking bones.

4 weeks ago  /  5 notes