Holy fucksticks. I start embalming TOMORROW. I’m not prepared! I don’t remember anything I’ve been taught! What if I get hungry in the middle of it? How will I get home afterward? My scrubs still make me look like an indigo colored sausagelady!

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My school’s website is about as helpful as, I don’t know, whatever is NOT helpful AT ALL (I’m tired, cut me some slack). I can’t request appointments to take my finals, I can’t access the fucking book I rented from the internet, and none of the links in blackboard are working properly. It’s like all of my school’s support staff is on vacation for the first week of class.

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I don’t like texting people twice in a row. If you’re already my friend, and you rarely respond anyway, then that’s one thing. But when you’re sharing heartfelt messages with me and then suddenly go away, it bums me out and I refuse to send two messages in a row. I don’t forget, though, I just think about it and think some more and wonder aloud, and then finally curse myself for expressing even an ounce of interest for another person YET AGAIN. I have lots of friends who are seemingly made for their partner. When I’m with these couples I think to myself, “Wow, I’m so glad that it happened for them, but it will NEVER happen for me.” and I’m starting to believe it. Whenever I start liking someone even a little bit, I get annoyed or frustrated putting forth effort because I keep thinking it’ll never be like the relationships of my successful friends, it’ll just be another letdown for me, or dude’s just going to end up not liking me anyway. It’s really silly and kind of a lonely way to live.

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I’m much happier than I let on, I swear.

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1 month ago  /  1 note