Have you ever had a crush last eight years? Because I have. And sometimes it hurts.

2 days ago  /  1 note

Christ on a pogo stick, am I having an upside down day.

2 days ago  /  0 notes

Have people started making meme greeting cards? Because there are a few I’d probably buy.

4 days ago  /  0 notes

I’m using the LoseIt app to keep track of what I eat. It’s cool because it gives me a calorie limit for the day and I either adhere to it and stay happy, or I totally blow through it and beat myself up for a day or two. Because I barfed my face off at 2am this morning, I wasn’t up for real meals today. So here is my food intake for today:

Breakfast: oatmeal from Caribou, chai latte

Lunch: three fun size candy bars that I found in my underwear drawer (left from Halloween, maybe?)

Dinner: six Babybel cheeses, five cuties, one granola bar, eight Ritz crackers.

I’m still 1600 calories under for the day. Plus I went to the gym last night AND the barfing episode, I’m probably like 3000 calories under.

WIN!

(not really)

4 days ago  /  0 notes

I met a guy at a party last summer and friended him on Facebook. He’s pretty hot and is totally into math*, but he’s kind of a douchebag. I will admit that I like looking at his photos on FB, but every goddamned status update is “Derby this” or “Derby that” and unless we’re dealing with fucking cute animals or stories about dead things, I can’t stand anyone who is a one trick pony. Get other hobbies. Also, I’m jealous because I can’t be a roller derby girl** and don’t really want to hear about how awesome it is. So basically I’m writing this because I’m a catty jerkface today and again, like dudes who are douche-y and don’t know I’m alive.

*I am terrible at math. As in, will incorrectly subtract numbers almost 98% of the time. However, I am wildly attracted to anyone who can do math, especially if they possess a penis. I even slept with a guy twice because his body was covered in weird mathematical tattoos. Didn’t know what half the shit meant, but MATH!

**I’m still traumatized over having a miscarriage on the day I was supposed to try out for roller derby FIVE YEARS AGO. You’d think I would get over it, but I’m nostalgic for all the bad stuff. It’s how I roll. Plus I’m afraid of breaking bones.

5 days ago  /  4 notes